I've been thinking alot over the last five days. A hell of alot. I've thought about how I want to change my life and how I want to change myself. I've pondered over what I think about peoples attitudes and how people react to certain situations. We aren't half dopey.

Why do we handle situations so badly?

We all seem to hurt the people that we care so deeply about. I know I have done it and I have seen it also. We all make so many mistakes, mistakes that cannot be fixed. I have made a fair few this year. I have upset people and I'm sorry for that.

There was a time when I knew you were trying to help me, to make me happy and I just couldn't take it. I didn't want to be with you. I hated that pressure, didn't you understand that? I had never had someone like this about me. Never thought I would.

I was unprepared for you...

The thing is when we like or love someone so badly nothing rlse seems to matter. Feelings are hurt and friendships are broken. I don't want that ever to happen to me. I can never see myself falling in love, sad ain't it? I'm not the falling in love kind, or maybe I am. I'll have to I suppose. I'll just have to see.

It isn't like I don't want. I want to get married and maybe have kids, I want to do all of those family things. I just can't see myself actually doing them. Love comes with too much baggage, too many tears and tantrums.

I just don't want to be hurt, I've seen love rule people..