Ever since the New Year I’ve started acting a little weird. I’ve covered it up though, hiding away like a naughty child, it is silly really because I haven’t got anything to hide away from anyone. Not really. When I buy a magazine or I find one of my Mother’s or friend’s I have to quickly scan the pages to find the ‘STARS.’ Sad, huh? I browse the page to find my sign, Aries, and begin to read. It is like a religion now. I’ve got to read them, find out what is about to happen. Waiting for these things to happen in anticipation.
Star signs have never really bothered me before; I used to think they were a load of rubbish for people who had no lives or dreams. When the New Year arrives I always become a little psychotic. Sometimes it is like when twelve strikes something strikes inside of me that makes me want to go out and change something about myself. This year it was different though, I was happier this year and I suppose, I want to find out if this happiness will last and the only way to do so is to read my stars. Stupid teenage thoughts, I suppose – but they are my thoughts. I am the holder. Maybe the reason why I am like this is because of my star sign or maybe I’m just insane.
I’m under a lot of pressure at the moment. My GCSE’s are in just over three months and although this seems like a long time I realise I need to do something about it now so that I am well prepared and not panicky when it comes to the day. The problem is I’ve always had a really laid back idea about anything to do with school and maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do. All the teachers’ jam into our heads at the moment is revising, relearning and remembering. At fifteen I should be having the time of my life, going out, having fun but somehow it just isn’t like that anymore.
There are a lot of other things for me to do, too. I have a pile of coursework that I need to plough through at some point. I look back on the last year or so and I wonder what I’ve actually been doing. I’ve made so many mistakes and I just wish I had been more organised about the whole thing. I’ve had over a year and I haven’t done anything, I’m wasting my life away with pointless things that just aren’t important anymore. I have to get my priorities right so I can get where I want to go and be who I want to be. Can that be so hard? Or; have I left it too late?
Do you think it is possible that a child of fifteen is suffering from insomnia? I lay in bed at night thinking about everything and anything. I seem to feel so tired yet I just cannot sleep and I just cannot think why. They say that when you can’t sleep you must have something on your mind, and yes, I do. It isn’t something that I am really fretting about, it is just school and that can all be sorted in a matter of days. School has never bothered me so much that I can’t sleep. It can’t be that.
I toss and turn. I feel hot. I feel cold. I can’t win. The dark night comes through the curtains and I can see the street lamps through the thin curtains, they twinkle and I think of the day’s events. Slowly my eyes seem to be drifting to sleep and then something moves outside and it wakes me up straightaway. It is no good, why can’t I sleep? This tiredness is driving me mad. Yawn, that is all I ever do.