On the 18th it was academic review day at school
- which is a fancy
way of saying open evening
during the day. I must say that I did kind of well. I am academically 31st
in the year group out of around 300
or so. I knuckled down this year and I am proud of myself. I want to get the good grades and I am determined to get them. I can, I know I can. I’m kinda geeky
On the 19th I finished filming my very own episode of Eastenders. I will admit it was pants but I really enjoyed doing it with my friends, we had a laugh.. I played Sharon, I mean, really, do I look like Sharon?! Watching it in front of the class was less embarrassing than I thought. I actually laughed along with them.
I want to say a sorry to you all too. I have been acting kind of strange recently, asking questions that none you can probably answer. I probably don’t want you to answer them, I think I maybe need to answer them myself and I will, someday. Everyone seems so much more grown up then me, more sorted out, I kind of wonder how you all got so much older than me, so much more sorted. It doesn’t matter, my time will come and when it does I will be ready, maybe I aren’t now but I am young, I need to live my life first.
I worked a lot of stuff out in my head this week. I’m coming to terms with a lot of things. I’m getting over stuff too. I finally realise that I don’t need to stew over things and I certainly don’t need to stew over you. You aren’t important, well, you are, but not as much. I’m dealing with it. I moved on from you - nearly. You finally showed me nothing will happen - maybe that is good. I don’t know what I am supposed to think anymore, I don’t know what you are thinking. The fact is, you probably don’t even care, I’m fine with that - or am I? I just wanted you to tell me it didn’t matter, that is all I ever wanted, that and some form of friendship. I got neither, what a surprise.
There is something that really bugs me. I know that we all have problems and I know that I moan about mine too much but have you ever thought maybe you could listen to me instead of yourself? I have an opinion too! Yes! I do! I want to talk about what worries me and you just are obsessed with her, get over it. That was harsh. Sorry. I love you, really, I do.