So, this is gonna be pretty long as buffcore is down and well, I have a lot to say, here it goes..

Let’s start with the gig on the 13th. I was pretty impressed with Dropout’s with it being their first ever gig and all. I sang along to “How Rude!” and was extremely proud of Mark in his Buffcore T-shirt :) Pinkeye were pretty good too, although, I didn’t get a CD. I will be expected one Mr Lane :P

I promised myself something this week. I made a kind of pact with a friend as well, I want to keep it but it seems kinda impossible right now. Nothing, I suppose is impossible, we can all achieve everything we want if we put our minds to it. I just need to do that.

Are you ever scared everyone moves on and we are left in the shadows?

We all move on someday, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse but we have to cope with that. What if people move on and we aren’t ready? I don’t think I can move on yet, move on from all the pain from anything.

I thought I’d moved on. Moved on from caring about what you all had to say about me. I’m not sure if I will ever stop thinking about what you say about me. I used to think I would have more friends if I lost weight, if I didn’t speak my mind but then again, why lie to myself? I bought a new top the other day, a size smaller, that made me happy. It didn’t make people like me anymore, I don’t want people to like and not like me because of how I look. I do things for myself and I am glad I do them :)

You all ask my what the things I say mean. I don’t think I need to tell anyone what any of the things I say mean. Shouldn’t you all just know? If you are my friends you all know who I am talking about and what any of this means. I like that. You can read me like a book. I don’t share many emotions, I’m not really sure how. I try and talk to people about how I feel and why I do things but talking is hard, talking is painful.

They say crying is good, do you think it is? Soothes the heart and clears things up. I never really thought that, writing helps me. Yeah, so what? You all know what I think and what I feel, or do you? You read this but have you ever understood what I mean? Maybe I’m a little messed up and I freak you all out but at least I tell life how it is, or how it is in my head.

I’m tired of the fighting with you about what you think. I’m tired of fighting with my head. I’m so scared of what is going on around me. I always wanted everyone to like me and that is not always the case, is it? I’m not like any of you, I’m just me and I like it like that. I won’t do anything for any of you. I don’t see the point, will it make you like me more? Do I want you to like me anymore?

If you don’t know - don’t ask.