The dilemma -- God -- Fact or Fiction?

I suppose when I was young I believed he was there. I believed that nothing bad would happen to me because of him. Then I grew up and saw bad things happening around me and I thought: 'Why would God let this happen?' I was never christened and my parents aren’t religious or anything so I suppose I had no reason to think he existed. No reason at all.

Nowadays the science behind the creation of the world seems more logical to me. I’m not sure if I want to believe it though. I mean, having a so called ‘God’ is a nice way to look at it I suppose or is it the easy way?

I have a friend who believes in God and we tend to argue about it frequently. I sometimes can’t understand her. She has what I call a perfect family – her parents are still together, they rarely argue and she has other members of family around her all the time. I suppose she has every reason to think God exists. I just don’t get it. My parents split when I was young and I suppose I kind of hated God for that, from then I thought he mustn’t be there because if he was he wouldn’t do this to me, would he?

God was supposed to make things right, make them happy, all he did for me was make me sad. As we did more science at school and we did about ‘the big bang’ I realised that I liked this idea more. In the long run though it made me think I had something to do with any sadness I ever felt. That wasn’t true. Or are we all responsible for what happens to us and around us?

As I have grown I tend think that things happen for a reason. I think that maybe there is ‘something’ out there, although I’m not quite sure anymore. I suppose I kind of like that, I like that I don’t have to say what I do and don’t believe. I like that because I really, truly don’t know myself. I suppose maybe I will never know and in a way I don’t want too. Not knowing seems safer. Not knowing means I can think that something does exist or doesn’t exist and not get into trouble with my faith. Not knowing means I can be myself.