I think I missed the Fourth of July. Life was calling from too many directions at once and I guess I couldn't tend to all my different desires. That being said, I did actually get to see my marvelous fireworks.

(Something must be said about lost childhood innocence here!)

The last I recall seeing fireworks must've been when I was about 5 years old. You can imagine the wonderment that exploded in my eyes along with the blazing night sky overhead. 12 years down the road I wanted to have that feeling again...I wanted to hold someone's protective hand and flinch at the too-bright lights and the too-loud noises...I wanted to gaze in awe as the sky begged me to join it in nebulous oblivion. But it didn't happen. I couldn't muster any sort of fascination when I saw the beaufifuly orchestrated explosions. And it was so beautiful...it was like the sky was dripping mercury at some points...or like the picture which we imagine to be the sky was being ripped in various spots by some cruel acidic chemical. My eyes were too jaded to be entertained by such novelty, though. Oh, well...

"the more you change the less you feel"

I feel that phrase in so many ways and last night was another extension of its truth in my life. (Anyway) I really wanted to node something about my lack of patriotism here yesterday. It seems rather inappropriate to do it now...too late. That makes me wonder if it really needed to be done at all. Maybe not...maybe so.

I really need to start putting the time on these day logs. I write what I'm feeling at the moment and I never edit it. My writing anxiety has somewhat cleared up (see happy smiling englightened recluse for details).

That's all. I must rest and let my thoughts collect.

--3:56 PM