I wanted to see the fireworks for I don't know what reason. Tradition makes me sick and it's tradition I associate with these happy-happy 4th of July festivals with their crackling explosives and their "oohs" and "ahhs." But I really wanted to go. I was both disgusted and controlled by this emotion. So I tried to go...I tried and I failed. As we drove away from the park, leaving the patriotic music to orchestrate the festivites and people we had left behind I felt so wrong. I wanted to distance myself from these people...these things, but part of me wanted to stay. The feeling evolved. It was such an empty feeling...I wanted to drown myself in the happiness the others were enjoying. I got home and it went away.

I don't feel depressed. I don't feel happy. I don't feel.

Thank you, America, for killing my emotions.