The 2001 winner is Sela Kirk, a 44-year-old legal secretary in Vancouver, British Columbia with this stunning bit of wordplay:

"A small assortment of astonishingly loud brass instruments raced each other lustily to the respective ends of their distinct musical choices as the gates flew open to release a torrent of tawny fur comprised of angry yapping bullets that nipped at Desdemona's ankles, causing her to reflect once again (as blood filled her sneakers and she fought her way through the panicking crowd) that the annual Running of the Pomeranians in Liechtenstein was a stupid idea."

She received a pittance of $250 for her top prize.

The second-place entry, by Julie Stangeland of Seal Beach, Calif., also employed an animal theme:

"The lone monarch butterfly flew flutteringly through the cemetery, dancing on and glancing against headstone after headstone before alighting atop Willie Mitchell's already lowered casket, causing gasps of awe to fly from the open mouths of five or six lingering mourners, until a big shovelful of dirt landed on it and it died."

C'mon kids - we can do better than this!