I have been finding strange things in the classifieds. Lately I have been obsessively poring over the listings to see if there are any new ads. When I find one I get a feeling like getting a present or falling in love or putting Visine in your eye when you have those kinda allergies that hurt and make your eyes red. I want to share the feeling with you.

Misanthropic Bastard selling Integrity -- Cheap - $25000

Hi. No one wants to be plagued by guilt and over ridden with self loathing.

So, if you possess an ounce of human compassion, read on:

Ok... so I started stalking Vincent Gallo as a way to distract myself from my own destructive nature. I don't know why I thought it would work. Except I think he was born on the same date as my crazy-ass dog. Anyway, it seems to have worked. I'm focused, spiteful, and ready to leave San Francisco. Why? Because the city and the creeps in it are suffocating me. New York is my next move because I'm self-centered and I hate people. Because of this I tend to get lonely and need to have easy access to others. That said. I am going to have to hustle my ass off and temporarily abandon my morals. I'll succeed because I have to, plus manipulation is in my blood. It's not as vile as it sounds. It will be fun and I'll get to go to Cuba. Not to mention my asshole dad deserves it. In the end it will probably be cathartic. But that's a whole other story and I don't feel like sharing now. Anyway, the aforemention diabolical plan is going to be rough because I am ethical and honest to a fault. These are not necessarily admirable traits and I will do everything I can to keep them at bay. I have to learn how to lie. I hear the audio book "Never Be Lied To Again" is a great guide. I’m checking it out of the library tomorrow.

This is where you come in! Do you want to be responsible for my lost integrity? No way! So buy my honesty. I figure 25k is a fair price.