Folks, this is going to be my stock response to ILOVEYOU's I'm still receiving. It's kind of funny to watch them fall on the deaf ears of my non-sucky OS and my not-so-sucky email client. The only thing I've changed are the email addresses, to protect the guilty.
Date: Wed, 10 May 2000 19:07:34 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Re: ILOVEYOU

Sorry, the user of this machine is infected by the IMNOTREADYFORACOMMITMENT
virus, and is therefore incapable of responding appropriately to your
thoughtful message. Unlike software viruses, IMNOTREADYFORACOMMITMENT is a
wetware virus, transmitted by the Y chromosome. Those stricken by the dreaded
IMNOTREADYFORACOMMITMENT virus cannot be helped by standard interventions such
as anti-virus software. Completely reformatting these hapless individuals
might work, but unfortunately there are no safe, reliable methods for doing so
at this time. There is some evidence that the IMNOTREADYFORACOMMINTMENT virus
might go into remission after 10 to 60 years of torturing its host. Good bye,
good luck disinfecting your computer, and be thankful that you do not carry
the dreadful Y chromosome!

On Wed, 10 May 2000, XXXXXX X XXXXXX wrote:

> kindly check the attached LOVELETTER coming from me.

Update: some of the virus specialists at my site read the copy of this I cc-ed to and wanted my permission to reproduce it on the Virus Humor webpage... though they were a little worried some m0r0n would read it and write in asking how to protect themselves against IMNOTREADYFORACOMMITMENT. My advice with respect to protection against this sort of thing is to scan a guy carefully before you insert him.