lollipoptrollop: ...I hope you will be doing better now... As far as my sense of telempathy goes, it feels to me like you've had a nasty infected cut that had scabbed over... And now the scab has been ripped off and the damn thing's finally been cleaned out. All ouchy, but cleaner.
And it's true. I finally gave her my engagement ring back. For the second time; after we became friends again I asked for it back. It seemed pretty likely that we would be together again, at some point in the future. Now it doesn't. That ring was a promise, first; she broke it. Then it was a hope; she crushed it. All it is now is a memory of happiness that could've been, but will never be.
I feel the way Frodo must have, throwing the One Ring into the fires of Mt. Doom; except without the fate of the world resting on my shoulders.
So we talked about all the things we miss about each other and how we feel in general. It hurts me so much to hear about her new boyfriend; but she loves to hear about ana. Blah blah blah. We talked about upcoming shows (Domiana and Tragic Black in two days at Sanctuary, and then Awaiting Treatment and Little Sap Dungeon the next night, along with X96's Queen Of The Damned party, and then Assemblage 23 on April 13th, and we wish we had more details than that!) and new cds and things we like and dislike about the scene. We talked about how much I changed when we were together, and how now I'm much more like who I was before we met then I was while we were together; how it is more appropriate that she calls me chesh now, as that's who I am and was before, rather than Ian, which is who I was for the first 15 years of my life and then again while with her.
Ian is dead, now.
Anyway, that chapter of my life is closed now. We're friends, and always will be.
I do not regret the choices that I have made, I know you feel the same.
VNV Nation, Beloved.
I need to stop daylogging and write actual nodes now! Time to get to work!