Reason number 16: Why I hate Mike:
He throws trash out the window of his car,
never thinking why that might be a bad thing

Reason number 17:
His bad jokes, told repeatedly to blank stares.

Reason number 18:
Rude comments to waitresses,
for no reason, even if she is doing a good job.

Reason number 19:
Random spitting on sidewalks
with no chewing tobacco to explain it.

Honestly, if he wasn't my cousin,
there wouldn't be any reason to hang around him at all.
Except of course, for Rachel,
whose hair smells of raspberry,
who wears butterfly clips in her hair and
has memorized every lyric from Harvest.

Reason number 1: Why I hate Mike.
Rachel is his girlfriend.