Coming to grips with the limitations of the language

Words fail me. I don't mean in the traditional sense. I can always find words and I often find a way to put them into an order that makes some sense. Often, but not always.

On this particular occasion they fail me because I cannot find the RIGHT words; words that describe my ambivalence. I want to be able to articulate my commitment to something I don't have while I am so immersed in college. I need words that can speak for both my longing and my satisfaction - my need to complete this tower I've been working on and my need to rescue the princess Yes, at the same time. The simple explanation that I cannot be in two places at once doesn't make the situation easier to tolerate. Or easier to explain.

So I try to imagine music that is intermittingly soothing and jarring--- soft strings mixed with bass guitar and drums. Oil paintings that are swirls of orange and blue next to a still life that is almost photographic in quality. What words capture that kind of discordance? What phrases convey such wide contradictions and antithetical ideas? Give me a list of verbs and consonants that represent full speed ahead and reverse ~ simultaneously. I need a data transmission that can adjust to that kind of direction change.