I am in love.
I am in a whirling swirling love. My love, like what it did to Rimbaud, my love makes the whirling world stand still. Like what Salman Rushdie says; Music will save us, and love. I have found my other half. I have found coincidences like how Kundera says. She is a mad roman candle. Right now, I am Clarissa Dalloway.
I wish you would understand, out there, all of you, on this E2 thing. And the only reason I write this is because I have this overflow, this excess of absolute emotion that floods out of my ears and onto the floor and into the streets; I live on the sixth floor, but I really am in the clouds. We are two halves of a whole, like what they said at the symposium. We will listen to the same music and read the same books, completely independently of each other. I want to share this with you all; and wish that you might be happier today, tonight, knowing that it does exist; that it will exist; and that it does for you, and for you too.
Music will save us, and love. I met her for thirty minutes, or for five. I am completely with ease with her. I have told her things that I have told no one else before. She reveals herself to me, opens herself up. We are split across an ocean. I am yet eighteen, nineteen in Korea, she is twenty one. I am right now both just nine months old and already dead. I could disappear this moment, and the world will still tick, but I am alive and loving. Love is a verb -- and this time, It has a subject. And a different pronoun: WE are in love.
It is boiling; bitter; red! The world is alive, and important, and unnecessary. I have this quiet sense of belonging. A street smiles shines. New York is beautiful, its dirtiness is just loveable, the neon lights, the platinum spires, the telephone wires. The city, light bright dark harsh up down around and inside out. Is absolutely undeniably crazily heart-rendingly beautiful.
Every day I walk around these streets and along these pathways and have this great vibrations in the world; have gravity lines bending, curling, swirling. Whirling. This wonderful vertigo at having found, having been found. Every step and breath is an elongated syllable.
and I'm with her, her, her, and nobody knows
suede - heroine