Why is everyone different, why am I not the same? Why can they laugh and talk and touch and yell. Why am I not the same? Why is it so hard for me? Why is it all fake for me, why do I need to think a thousand times before moving or saying or thinking.

Why can't I flow? Why are many things much easier for me, small, nothing less than near what it is for others. Why am I closed in my little box where my mind builds dozens of scenarios before I take action,.. and when I do... it is too late. The spontaneity lost, the action cold, placid, unreal.

I am jealous of everyone else, who does this so easily, or at least seems to I believe some are like me, but I do not know them, I wish I did. I wish they did. But we do not.

I have missed an opportunity, I hope one shall return, I could make them for myself, but that's too hard. I need one brought to me... I hope it will be soon.

Practice makes perfect, or at least more practice.

I am...