Hmm,
summer ennui disease seems to be setting in early this year for me; that feeling that you should be getting something accomplished, but aren't, so you just feel crummy instead.
Stasis equals stagnation in a dynamic world. It's not for lack of stimulation either, I have plenty of books to read and a few cool people to chill with, etc. More like, even with all the input available, none of it is triggering any kind of creative chain reaction, no new ideas for writing or researching or just considering at length. Say what you will about evil high-level
Computer Science classes, at least they provide something to use up spare cycles on so those cycles don't just go toward feeling
anxious.
Speaking of classes, I have one starting June 2 and going from 8 am (!!) to 10 am every day of the week. "EECS 461: Probability and Statistics" -- sounds like a real winner, doesn't it? Oh well, I've put it off enough years now that it should be a breeze, especially considering all the strong math courses taken meanwhile. Too bad about the 8 am part of the deal, though.
On a final academic note, I get to begin working with the University of Kansas's only neuroscience professor at roughly the same time the class is starting, which is pretty incredibly exciting. She does developmental ERP/EEG research, primarily, and I really need to go to the library and absorb a bunch of her papers so I'll have a better grounding in what I'll be helping with. The important part is that I'll be getting to use my CS skillz in a neuroscience context, AND at the same time building a contact with somebody who knows tons about the field and how to get into it academically. Plus, I may even find something interesting enough to specialize in, as graduate school expects students to concentrate in one area and one area only, an idea that has always been offputting in the past. Knowing all this, I still need to work with other professors so I can score the all-important Letters of Recommendation, three of which are needed to even apply to most grad schools.
Ok, let us move on to the all-singing, all-dancing, all-nerve-wracking relationship issues. Or, wait, let's not. Now that all (more or less) of the important people in my life know my username on e2, I have to assume that they're reading what I post, and so cannot write the entirety of my feelings about them. This is terrifically frustrating, as I'm sure many of you have found out firsthand yourselves :-( At any rate, what I can safely say is that somebody I considered a good friend, somebody who was my roommate for a couple of years ferchristsake, has recently proven himself impossible to trust to any degree at all. Not only did he quote things I said out of context, but he (even better) made quotes up out of whole cloth to support his viewpoint. Very fucking uncool. Dealing with the ramifications -- argh, sorry to be so vague in all of this -- hasn't been too hard, but I don't enjoy being forced to do so or losing (?) a friend. Still, I'll deal, stoicism and all that good stuff.
On the other hand, I did meet a pretty redheaded girl with a tiny, sparkling nose ring the other day AND I got her phone number, so chew on that e2-stalkers-who-probably-only-exist-in-my-imagination.
To switch subjects abruptly, again, dumpster diving season just started all over the US, as apartment leases are running out and kids are moving out of dorms, frats, and so forth. I went on a run tonight and scored an unused-looking beer fridge, which I plan to give to my mother for her birthday, as she's been wanting one. Having read this (can't escape the paranoia trip here) probably ruined the surprise for her, but I was going to give it a month or two early anyway. No, making a gift of found treasure is not white trash, given that A) the recipient has wanted the gift for a long time, B) a new one would be more expensive than either party could afford, especially because C) the giver only makes roughly $5000 a year, after taxes. QED, it's a good gift. Also found a sphygmomanometer in a different bin, an old-fashioned kind with the stethoscope and analog pressure gauge. Perfectly useless to me, but a cool find nonetheless.
Finally, there's some health stuff that deserves a mention, if only because of possible effects on my future. Due to the combination of summer's arrival and my taking a break from a long term relationship, my mindset seems to have swung back into hardcore weight loss mode. This means that I only need to eat one meal a day, and that only about a thousand calories in it; this is the perfect recipe for losing 5 or 10 kilos a month, but may not be the healthiest way to do it in general. To balance that good health addition, I've noticed that my left foot, which I accidentally smashed into a chair, hasn't stopped hurting in the three weeks or so since the accident. It hurt like a mofo at the time (I put a nice hole in the wall afterwards with my fist, at that), but I was expecting it to, um, completely stop hurting sometime, which it hasn't. Oh well, a long lasting injury is just the thing to remind me that I turn 22 in less than a month, and am never going to start getting younger, etc. etc., which leads us back to the point about accomplishing something made back in the first paragraph of this daylog....