I was dumped today. And this place seems a good a place as any to tell absolute strangers about my life.
I'm in a Hall of Residence at the University of Canterbury, New Zealand (I'll only be that specific in case there just happens to be someone in my hall that read E2). Within a week and a half of arriving I had broken the cardinal rule of communal living and had started fooling around with a girl on my floor. It started out innocent enought, when she decided to help make my bed. She lay down on it. I lay beside her and then we sort of just lay there next to each other. Suddenly she kissed me for about 5 seconds. She then stopped and mumbled something and left. Now as you can imagine I was a bit worried that our friendship had turned to custard. But fortunately she came in the next day and sat beside me and gently started to hold my hand.
From there it was basically just hooking up after everyone else had gone to bed. But then as the weeks progressed it became more and more serious. We decided one night that we should be boyfriend and girlfriend. Although we never actually had sex, we did everything but, if you know what I mean.
Everything seemed to be going fine - then the holidays came. We had to spend three weeks apart. And we live at opposite ends of the South Island - about 1000 km. We survived (or so I thought), sending txts and chatting online to each other. I missed her so much and couldn't wait to see her and continue where we had left off.
Everything seemed fine the first night back together as we did all the things we done before. But then she said she was really tired and so kicked me out her room. I was happy with this - there was always the next night. But then the next night came and she said that she really needed to type up some notes. Then the next night she said she just felt strange about us but thought it was because she was just getting used to being back in the hall.
Once again I was fine with this. I loved her too much to start getting all annoyed because I was getting my fun at night. And anyway there was always high speed internet. But as the week wore on I became more and more annoyed with her refusals each night. What the hell was going on? She assured me that it was nothing that I'd done.
Things came to a head on Friday night when I got annoyed with her refusals. I felt so bad about the way that I'd acted that I apologised within about five minutes and she was again assured me that it was nothing that I'd done and it was all her fault. I felt bad that she thought this way but there was little I could do.
Then things just got strange on Saturday. I had a Maths assignment due and so went to the University to finish it a place where there would be little my computer. I got back around lunchtime and she was dressed and brushing her teeth. I commented that she had said she was going to spend the day in bed and she said that something had come up with her auntie and promptly left.
She arrived home around 6 pm. She didn't come into see me, instead talking to someone else on our floor. I came out to say hi to her and all I got was 'uhh hi' and then she quickly left the room. She then left once again without saying goodbye. By this stage I'm getting fucking pissed at her, and so sit down and right a rambling 1 and a half page letter to her outlining my side of the story. I thought of slipping it under her door that night but then decided to keep it for the moment and see what happened.
Then the next morning she comes into my room and says that 'we need to talk'. I could instantly see what was coming. She talked about how it was not my fault (and I believe her) but it was just that she had so much going on in her life and that it wasn't fair on me that she treat me the way that she had been during the week. She then added that she wasn't saying that it might not work at another time. Now as you can imagine I wasn't that happiest person at this point. A girl that I told my deepest secrets and fears, was breaking up with me for what seemed to be no apparent reason.
But I decided that I couldn't be mad or angry at her. I can't stop feeling the way I do about her. But now I miss being able to gently stroke her hair or lie beside her a bed while we watch TV. And its driving me mad. I just want this to be a bad dream.