My wife doesn't understand the violence either, but I think I do, because I am a man, raised in the cultural milieu of the United States of America. Violence is integrated into our worldview, and part of our coming of age. Organized sports is for many boys their first foray into the world of men. Violence between boys on the sports field and verbal assualt by coaches combine to send a clear message.

The message we receive as young men, seeking our role in life, looking for leadership and guidance?

Violence, in the proper context, is good.

That's right. . . good.
We know violence is good because the vast majority of us directly associate it with the only camaraderie and friendship we have ever known. Team sports teach us that winners never quit, that loyalty is a virtue, and that violence has its own rewards: a crushing hit in american football, in soccer, a slide tackle that leaves an opponent gasping for air on the ground both receive cheers and accolades from the coach and our peers. We are violent by pavlovian response, like a dog that wags its tail when you kick it because you give him milkbones afterwards.

But what is the proper context for violence? Men know. Edward Norton knew in Fight Club, knows deep in his bones, so deep inside him that he can't keep it in--it splits him asunder. Fight Club attempts to regain the friendship and unity gained through violence by giving men with no outlet for it a chance to physically express it. Waiters, clerks, clergy, office drones, and bartenders no longer have the proper context for violence, and they need it. They miss their beatings and milkbones. Violence is not about reacting to conformity--violence is about connection to the society of men. Norton's character cannot sleep and goes mad without his connection to this society. He attempts to do so with his support groups, but they ultimately fail. In 2000 era America, the only way that men can connect is through violence. Fight Club is the connection.

I'll tell you a secret. I wish I could find a fight club. I crave the interaction and the unity that shared violence creates. Contrary to The inverse relationship between muscle mass and brainpower, I am not stupid. I played football in high school, and rugby in college. I made good friends, was a part of a team, and that, ladies and gentleman, is where I began to learn to be a man and to interact with men. Violence began it, and violence is the quick fix to regain it.

For he today that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother

King Henry V, Act 4 Scene 3


An update, in response to coffy. I taught my wife how to punch finally, after watching her pummel me without effect.

It was a tactical error--a definite mistake. I get more bruises from her small bony fists than I care to count (or admit.)