I'm wandering around with Alice in Wonderland
, or at least a reasonable approximation
, or maybe she just reminds me of Alice
, but ayway, we're wandering around somewhere, and it comes out that we're supposed to wed, and we're in her bedroom.
Dark wood and burgundy velvet dominate. She's in this big, overstuffed bed. I'm in there too, and it's time to consummate. She's of age, I'm sure of that, but I have to pee, really have to pee. I get up, reluctantly because I'm toasty warm, and I go to the sumptuous bathroom. I'm still wearing my fire-retardent coveralls, my work clothes, and I'm having a hard time actually going.
Because if I pee, that's it. We're married, and I'm going to be with Alice in moments. She's a princess, and it would be everything I ever wanted, but a voice in my head (played by...Billy Zane (the evil Billy Zane from Titanic, except maybe with his head shaved--it was dark and he was very modest) keeps trying to convince me that this is a bad bad thing.
"You think this is real? You know the moment you piss and go back in their she's going to be gone. She'll disappear, gone forever, because this can't be real. This whole thing isn't real..You'll walk back into nothing, she'll be a stuffed alice doll and you'll be crazy, nuts, deranged and then where will you be?"
Like I said, it's the evil Billy Zane. The toilet is a weirdly ornate wood and tile contraption, and I don't know if you could even use it sitting down. Swirling and bubbling on the bottom is a Disney logo, and I don't know what to make of that.
But I think to myself, tuning out evil Billy Zane: "Didn't you love this kind of stuff when you were a kid? Wouldn't you love to have this forever? Isn't it a chance you should take?
I relax, and let loose...
BAM. I'm awake and, of course, in imminent danger of urinating all over myself...After I use the real bathroom (no wood, but thank god, no Billy Zane either), I go back to sleep, looking for Alice.
I don't find her.