It's only two days since I poured out to you the feeling
s which I had kept silently concealed for months. They had been plaguing me for quite a while and I felt the need to open up without care for consequence
. I wish I knew why a relationship between the two of us wouldn't work, but I also trust your judgement. Only you know what you want out of a romantic involvement
and apparently I don't fit the bill. I want to ask why this is the case, but I don't think that I'm meant to know the answer right now.
What I told you the other day was true, but it was also incomplete. There are so many other thoughts still festering in my mind which I would have loved the chance to speak. As usual, though, I blubbered my way through an expression of emotion without properly expressing my internal world. But I don't think any of that would have mattered anyhow. If things had gone better I had wanted to show you the nodes I have written about you. I may do so one day, but have yet to see how this event might effect our friendship. Neither of us wants things to change and I don't believe that they will for you are always true to your word. I can only promise that I'll try to be, but it is still difficult for me to crush my romantic tendencies.
Despite all the unpleasantness of the situation though you haven't been any less dreamy than before. That is why it's so hard to quell my emotions. Excessive kindness does that to me. There is nothing more confusing. That is why, even when I think of the outcome, all I can see is your smile. Your face was covered in that beautiful, freckled expression even while you told me things couldn't be the way I had hoped. To think that I will never be graced with one of those smiles containing that hint of something "extra", that you will never look upon me with a telling glint in your green eyes pains me all the more. Although these images may hurt now they also comfort because I know they are not lost totally. We made the promise that our friendship will continue to grow, and this I wouldn't give up for anything.