I know that I'm going to die some day, and each day, each hour, each minute that passes, I grow more greedy
with the happiness my remaining time alive will bring me. It doesn't bother me that this is happening, I think it should happen to everyone. Managing a few hours or days or even weeks is very difficult for those who know
that they have a relatively small amount of time left. I'm trying to manage what I believe to be about 60 years. I enjoy the challenge of making money, but I wish that I didn't have to do it in order to survive. I could stop facing that challenge for quite a while before it becomes a problem, but I don't think that will make me happy. I enjoy solving problems. I feel like an old soul
- there are so many areas in which I feel far more enlightened
than average. Well, maybe not around here
. But there should be a stronger capacity in me to enjoy life without requiring a problem that needs solving.
I guess I'm waiting for someone to tell me that I've done enough - convince me of it - and convince me that more effort on my part won't improve my lot. There have been times when I feel that way, but less so recently. I should feel that way on this train
, but there are big problems that keep nagging at me...
Humans still damage the whole
that we are by being stupidly selfish. It seems so clear that our main responsibility is to educate each other until the system that we've built to live in can support us comfortably with no further effort. But there are too many people creating local systems in which to live comfortably, allowing the environments housing those systems
to suffer. Corporations
continue to evolve in ways that damage us. These problems rob me of my comfort. Maybe I just need to find a balance, and recognize the increased efficiency and value of the strive, accomplish, enjoy, and relax cycle
. I strive a lot without accomplishing because my goals are too big.