Quick and Dirty Daylog
I'm experiencing a new kind of relationship with this woman I've begun dating. New because all of my feelings and thoughts and bodily sensations are available to me in a way they have never been before.
I can feel respect growing for her as I learn more about her life, pure friendship growing, pure lust(!), and a genuine affection is developing. She is kind, and warm and gentle. She feels older than me, she's two years younger but feels more mature. She's prissy, but that's okay, it really is.
I also feel the fear of being intimate with some one and allowing them to be close to me. I am afraid of other, more innocuous things such as not performing adequately in bed, not liking parts of making love to a woman, fear of her not liking my body, things like that.
Last night I saw her - it was our fifth date - and we got chinese take out and did a lot of cuddling and some making out and a lot of talking. Her voice is warm and sexy. I'm detached and intellectual about it, no, I don't know how to explain it. I am afraid that I really am falling in love with her. I already love her in some wierd program sort of way.