Earlier today, my dear, dear love, M. and I met and talked. We are going to be just friends for a while, he's setting me free. We've been trying to figure this out for so long, and he came up with this idea. When he first broached the subject (after we tried several other things) my first reaction was of immense relief. So I know it's right. And he feels the same way. I am so humbled by the immensity of his heart, his love for me. It's like standing in the sun.
I got in my car and felt the peace of my heart. As I drove down the highway, I felt peaceful, serene, calm, beautiful, bright. I had just enjoyed the company of a woman with all of these qualities. It was a blind date - and my only hope was to make a new friend - and I think I did!
We talked about yoga, spirituality, our own healing experiences, our jobs, our dogs, her doctorate, my kids non-stop for over two hours. She's the first gay woman I've had any kind of date with; and the first new friend who has known me first as Jamie. She accepted me completely (and I her) - it was really special. I felt the possibility of becoming friends was real; that I could really be myself without worrying about anything with her. It was superficial and deep, simple and in some way, profound. I guess I feel like our souls sort of touched in a passing way. It felt different than any blind date with a man; more down to earth, and real, no phony bullshit.
Just reading what I've written can't convey how I feel - she's pretty serious, and I hope to see a lighter side of her. But she's very spiritual, centered, and real. She told me about the time she apprenticed under a psychic and learned to visualize what she wanted. We talked about that a little. We didn't touch when we parted; I wanted to shake her hand or give her a little hug, but I have a really bad head cold, and didn't want to presume or give her my germs. She called me when I got home and told me again that she wanted to get together again. I had been thinking about her and planning to call her and say the same thing. I feel so honored! She's so cool!