Listening to Sarah McLachlan's Angel. Feeling loneliness, despair, solitude, wanting to feel this way in a wierd sick state of mind.
Yesterday I felt so lethargic and sleepy, even though I had slept 8 hours.
...so tired of the straight line...
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
What is at the core of all of this? Must I really try and figure it out? How long will I languish in my addiction?
Is it over now? It's been going on for a week. And the trigger is never anything that I cannot deal with, it's always something that I haven't done. I haven't talked to my sponsor. I haven't gone to a meeting. I haven't bought new running shoes, so whenever I walk somewhere, my feet and knees hurt so I don't want to exercise. In short, I haven't taken care of all of myself, only parts of myself. I've paid too much attention to the romance, not enough to the other sides of me. Balance in all is so important. I can't really handle lack of equilibrium, as I continue to demonstrate to myself.