I'm so sorry zgirll. I'm sorry that you are going through this painful thing. My heart goes out to you.

What a fscking drag. I've gotten that monthly visitor for the past month and a half every 20-22 days now. This isn't just too bad. It's really annoying and cumbersome and frankly, scary. Scary cause now I know about the damn fibroid, I feel like it's just growing by leaps and bounds inside of me. Doing yoga last night, when we laid on our tummies and did all those stretches grab your ankles and pull, lift , I could just feel this thing in my abdomen. It feels really pronounced - I can see how it sticks out when I put on a dress. It's not just the extra 20 pounds I'm carrying around dammit! It's real!

Damn. I get the second opinion in July and I'm hoping that I'll feel more confident about delaying surgery after I see this doctor.

On the brighter side, I feel more relaxed about being bi then I was feeling a week ago. I have just let go of the future, let go of worrying about her and her feelings, and what and who I'm going to turn out to be. I've been honest with her, very much so, and have cautioned her to take care of herself, do what she needs to do, and just let it go. Yes, I care about her - but the infatuation is totally gone. I feel affection, like, and lust for her. Just don't feel like I'm falling in love anymore. Which I'm very relieved about. I've met a couple of people that I might want to sleep with, maybe, maybe not, and will meet more. And right now, casual dating is where it's at for me. And not sleeping with her. That's helping a lot.

She asked me if I was seeing M. again. I told her it wasn't any of her business who I slept with, didn't sleep with, dated, didn't date, etc. It was last month, but this month we are just dating casually. And I also let her know that if she wanted to break it off, I'd understand. Cause I know she wants more. Two people want me - and it isn't tripping me out anymore. I want them too, don't get me wrong, but I don't need to sleep with them. I also don't feel the urge to sleep with a ton of women like I was - I do want to be a slut, but not to the extent I did just a few weeks ago. I feel I have time to relax into it now.