My world exploded Saturday night. I was expecting the complete opposite of what happened. Nope - that's not true either. I expected nothing like what happened. I don't even understand what happened, how to explain it, describe it, get it, except time stood still, worlds merged, brown eyes gazed into mine. Beauty inside and out, complete innocence, something burst into being that was akin to love, longing to touch her, and yes, lust so thick and heavy it made me sweat.

I just went to a party to have a good time, that's all. I had a really wonderful day, spent in the company of close friends and acquaintances at Artscape, seeing dozens of people look at my car, laugh, shake their heads, sign my comment book, ask me questions. The best part was seeing the children's reactions for the way they instantly wanted to touch my car. I finally wrote a sign "Please touch me!" so they would/could without parents saying no.

I didn't really expect much from seeing her at the party, I was hoping we'd make friends, since our first date was so strange - I was so shy and nervous (as was she) I couldn't think of anything interesting to say. I was frozen in some sort of weird "not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, young enough" mode, and how can you think of anything to say when you're stuck like that? Duh. I can't.

Well, I got there, chatted with a whole bunch of folks on and off, had a very good time, was invited - well, actually, begged to come to the white trash party down the street (bad vibes) because of my car. She went with me, we walked in and walked out because basically, it was so odd being there.

I think that's when I realized something was happening, beginning, when we left that stupid white trash party.