Last night, I was with M. It was bliss, heaven and rapture. Tonight, I was supposed to go to a party. I was looking forward to it for a week. I didn't go. I felt nameless things swirling around inside, pushing their way up to the air, fighting to come out. I didn't want them to come out. I tried to keep them down but it didn't work. I called M. I went to his house. I planned to spend a couple of hours over there, then go to the party.

I felt strange and weird. Nothing felt right. So I just laid in his arms. And all the things came up; I cried and cried and cried. It was awful. They are still with me. I am being haunted by my past, things that happened so many years ago. Things that should never have happened, bad things - that happen to women every day, every hour.

I've done so much work to get over those things. And they still haunt me. What is it going to take for me to get over them? How many more months, years of therapy will I have to endure? How much more do I have to stand? When will it end? Will it end? I can't believe the memories I have to carry around; the dark evil deeds of so many men visited on me. I hate the men who hurt me.