Today I did not do much. I woke up around noon. Puttered around, surfing the net and trying to figure out songs for a few hours. Took my morning shower at 3pm and then napped again at 5. Woke up at 7 or so, am now puttering around until I go to sleep at about 3 or 4am.

I have examined my situation, and I have come to the conclusion that I am still in a depressed or self-loathing mindset. I thought that I had gotten over it, but now that I am not in school, I've been idle and I have allowed myself to slip back into it. The difference is that now this time I am not screaming of attention. I am not inflicting it upon my friends. You might say that this is not true, that I am whining about it here. Actually, I enjoy the sort of "sanctuary" status that day logs have and I am using mine as an online personal journal. No one knows my username, or that I'm even here. The only interaction I get from my writings is a little number besides each of them and soft-links.

As I mentioned, I'm not rubbing others in my situation. I have quitely cut most contact with friends and in fact I am a little saddened that no one has really noticed. But all that shows is that I have not forged any strong relationships. It's a shortcoming on my part.

Damnit. I should be looking at the big picture. I'm a good person. I'm 19 years old. I have a free ride to college. I've been told I'm cute. I have my own car. What am I worried about? Sure. All the things I just said were pretty shallow, but.. I think what matters is that I have lots of possibilities in front of me, and I feel that I am squandering them. Guess I should get off my ass and do it..