10:49 PM: Last weekend, she cancelled on me.

It started out good. Wednesday night, I called her. Asked
her if she wanted to do something Saturday.. she happily

Thursday: She asks me, "What movie are we going to see?"
Turns out she was sleepy and barely remembered agreeing
to do something.. We're going go see Quills on Saturday,
remember? Why not Friday? Well, I was going to ... , you
see. Oh, well.. I hate to say this but can we hold off
on doing anything until after this weekend? Why? Well,
you see, somewhere between here and New Orleans I lost $100
and I have to do christmas shopping.. I can pay for your
ticket, it's not a problem. Well.. I would feel bad about
bumming the money, and I would fall asleep anyway.. I could
probably get my x-mas shopping done during the day, too.
Do you, or don't you want to go? It's not that I don't
want to go. Ok. Saturday is fine. How about we
go to a matinee showing, at 12 or 1, so I can stay awake?
That's fine, I'm looking forward to it. Ok, cool.

Saturday: What showing do you want to see? It's showing
1:45 at X, does that sound good? Ok. You sound sick, are
you ok? Well, my lung still hurts and I am hacking up
lots of plegm. Do you still want to go, you sound really
sick? I told you I would go. It's ok if you don't want
to go, I understand. Why did you get mad the last time I
canceled on you? It's because .... well... when you
told me you weren't going to fall asleep and I asked if you
were sure, and then you got mad at me for doing that.. that
did not make me happy. Oh. So, I can pick you up around
1:15 and we'll make it there on time. How does that sound?
We.. Hello? Did you say something?
How would you feel if I wanted to stay home?
It's totally ok. You are really sick. But I was really
sick last time.

( I should have told her I made a mistake. )

No, really. Don't worry, about it, ok.

( Idle chatter. )


No. I really understand. You must have been going
through hell. Or at least something close to it. You
don't have to be mean to me. What do you mean? You are
so sarcastic. No.... I was not being sarcastic. I am
being serious. I have never had a respitory infection but
I imagine they would make one feel pretty bad. At least
you feel that way. I am not secretly mad at you. I really
understand. Ok? ok.


How are you feeling? Sick. I'm still coughing and
hacking up stuff. Aw. You're so cynical. What?
Your aw sounded less than sincere. No, I was being sincere!
Please stop reading into things that I say. Sorry.


Monday as she was going to sleep I asked her if she thought
she would be feeling well enough to do anything this week
and she said yes. I asked her to call me when she wanted
to schedule something and she said will do. Tuesday has
passed without a call. I would think after not seeing me
for 3 weeks she would be wanting to do something with me.

1.) Maybe she doesn't want to do anything with me.

If so,
She has been cancelling and falling asleep but too afriad
to tell me how she really feels.

2.) Maybe she is scared that I am mad at her and will wait
until I schedule something with her.

3.) Maybe she is busy with other things and has simply
not thought to call me.

4.) Maybe I am blowing one day out of proportion. But she
should want to see me, shouldn't she?


My number of friends is really really dwindling. All my
online contact is anonymous through the developing of a new
persona. I think I am depressed.