It has been almost 3 months
since I last did a Daylog
. 2 months, 29 days (July 30, 2003
) to be exact. So, I decided I would provide a follow up for all of those interested
, as well as providing some reflection
for myself. First of all, I would like to thank all those who responded to my last write-up
as well as those who msg
-ed me. I received some very inspiring words
as well as some truly harrowing stories
. Maybe what I wrote was a cry for help, and if it was, then it was well responded to.
My life has changed, but it also has remained the same. I am back at school, where I belong, with people I enjoy being with. After I posted the node, I also spoke with my girlfriend. At her and many noders instance, I visited the on-campus clinical services. I am currently in individual therapy as well as group sessions. I think they are helping, though I guess it is still too early to tell. I realize it is a long process.
I wish I could say because of the therapy and everything else. things are amazingly better. They are not. I wish I could say July 30 was the last time I thought about hurting myself, but I can not. Though things have not been as bad as they were, I still do not have the reassurance that they will not be bad in the future. Maybe I will never have that assurance. Maybe that is the curse of depression. I do not want to live my life in fear. That is why I go to therapy. I do not know if it will "work", but I have little to lose by going.
However, most of all, I would like to thank everyone for their continuing support. It has meant a lot to me, and it is because of you that I did finally seek help. For that I will always be grateful.