Today has been very difficult for me.

It started out innocently enough, your average day at school. But after third period, a girl I just met a few weeks ago asked me to go to Homecoming with her. It's not that I don't like her; I'm just not interested in dating with her. I really didn't want to go with her, but for some reason I said yes. Later I tried to remember the details, but I can't figure out what was running through my head at the time. It must have been because of all the shit that happened to me over the weekend.

Right after, I mentally smacked myself in the forehead.

"Carl! How the fuck did you get yourself into this one?"

I immediately began developing schemes to get out of my date without offending her. My friend from Idaho is coming down here for Homecoming, and she needs a date. I could tell her that I need to go with her.

Or I could convince this other dude she likes, David, to go with her. Then it would be out of my hands.

I could go to Homecoming at the other school, as a guest with my friends from last year, instead of going to the one here.

I didn't talk to her again today, but I went home and immediately became depressed, but I couldn't figure out why. After a few hours of total mental anguish, I think I have discovered the reason.

A few days ago, when I told Allie that I really wouldn't mind if she didn't go to Homecoming with me, I thought I meant it. But I was wrong, I do mind, much more than I thought possible.

I discovered only a few days ago that she thinks of me as more of a brother than a guy, and that also upset me.

I think that I am still in love with Allie.

Tomorrow I am going to go to school, and tell Christy that I am not going to go to Homecoming with her. Then I am going to explain everything to Allie, and hope she understands. Or I might wimp out, and stay completely quiet.

Who knows?