Today has been very difficult for me.
It started out innocently enough
, your average day at school. But after third period, a girl
I just met a few weeks ago asked me to go to Homecoming
with her. It's not that I don't like her; I'm just not interested in dating
with her. I really didn't want to go with her, but for some reason I said yes. Later I tried to remember the details, but I can't figure out what was running through my head at the time. It must have been because of all the shit
that happened to me over the weekend.
Right after, I mentally smacked myself in the forehead.
"Carl! How the fuck did you get yourself into this one?
I immediately began developing scheme
s to get out of my date
without offending her. My friend from Idaho
is coming down here for Homecoming, and she needs a date. I could tell her that I need to go with her.
Or I could convince this other dude
she likes, David, to go with her. Then it would be out of my hands.
I could go to Homecoming at the other school
, as a guest with my friends from last year, instead of going to the one here.
I didn't talk to her again today
, but I went home and immediately became depressed
, but I couldn't figure out why. After a few hours of total mental anguish
, I think I have discovered the reason
A few days ago, when I told Allie that I really wouldn't mind if she didn't go to Homecoming with me, I thought I meant it. But I was wrong, I do mind, much more than I thought possible.
I discovered only a few days ago that she thinks of me as more of a brother
than a guy
, and that also upset me.
I think that I am still in love
I am going to go to school, and tell Christy that I am not going to go to Homecoming with her. Then I am going to explain everything to Allie, and hope she understands. Or I might wimp out, and stay completely quiet.