Feh. The other writeup in this node is a pretty lame attempt at satire. I demand the accolades and upvotes foisted on it.


"Little Red Riding Hood"
by BMan

Once upon a time there was this chick in a cloak. Cause her garment was as red as the Communist flag, everyone called her 'Little Red Riding Hood.' One day she decided she would go on a walk through the woods to take some food to her grandmother. Grandma had spent all her social security money on bingo and slot machines, and didn't have enough for her own food, which she would have if social security had been gambled on the stock market instead.

Anyway, being a loose harlot, Li'l Red didn't have a man to accompany her on her walk outside, like she should have, so she packed up her basket by herself and set off.

Meanwhile, over at grandma's house, a wolf had come in and eaten up Grandma, which was vaguely tragic, but the strong eating the weak is just the way things are. The wolf then put on Grandma's clothing, indulging in some transvestitism, which is not the way things are, but shameful and wrong. He then got into Grandma's bed to wait for some more food to show up.

Eventually, Red showed up at her grandmom's house. On the way she had eaten a lot of the food from the basket, (she was one of them fat broads with no self control) but she had filled up the empty space with some communist party pamphlets and some drugs she had bought off a dealer whom the liberals had recently let out of jail.

Any man could have seen that it was wolf in the bed and not an elderly lady, but Red's pretty little head was all clouded with emotion, so she sat down and started chatting. Finally the wolf got sick of this girl talking about his body parts, and he jumped up and killed her. This was perhaps even more vaguely tragic, but since Red's slutty single lifestyle was sure to lead to a bunch of venereal diseases and abortions, it pretty much works out okay.

The wolf knelt down by the dead body to say grace, thanking the Lord for both providing the meal, and providing the rugged individualism needed to acquire the meal. Unfortunately, an atheist woodsman was passing by, and he heard the wolf praying, and mistaking the old woman's house for a school, he immediately came in and shot the wolf dead, which just goes to show you that the only prejudice allowed in tolerant America is anti-wolf prejudice.

The woodman then buried Red's body, and took the story to the elite liberal media, who used it to pervert people's minds away from proper right-wing thinking. The clear moral of the story is that Republicans only want what's best for you.