I am afraid of needing someone.
I am afraid of taking a risk
and offering myself to someone.
I am afraid of falling for someone... it is like the dizzying
height of riding a roller coaster
, and I like neither.
I am afraid of touching someone because once you start with one little
touch, nothing ever seems like enough anymore.
I once dated
someone who I couldn't talk to. Talking to her was like
bouncing a ball against a wall... my thoughts always came back to me and
they made no impression
whatsoever on her. I am afraid of that too
because then I'd be content but never happy with such a person.
I am afraid of knowing what people think of me.
I am afraid of lying next to someone at night, and wanting her so badly that I
would want to reach over and run my hand over her face to memorize it.
I want intimacy, but I'm afraid of it. I am stuck in a ditch that I dug
for myself, and every time someone offers me a hand to help me up, I can't
seem to grab it. Perhaps I'm so used to being in the dark, that I have
come to fear the sun.