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Dazed and confused
Well, I don't know whether I am coming or going. I woke up at midday, four hours late for work and feeling terrible. I called in sick with a cold as the reason, even with my croaky voice both the secretary and my project leader weren't even slightly sympathetic.
So that is my physical reason for feeling bad
I lied to you last night without even realising it. Is it OK to lie if you don't mean it? I don't think so. I tried explaining to you what I was thinking, but fell flat on my face. I think it is because I have been living in my fantasy land for so long that I blur the boundaries sometimes. (sometimes? more like all the time) I've been so used to being alone that dropping the safety blankets and communicating to you has been an almost entirely new experience; something I am simply not used to.
I've been trying to justify to myself my combining of dreams and fantasizing. I'm not doing very well, even to myself. More lying to you about precisely where the specific events happened: whether in waking life whilst daydreaming, or whilst asleep. I am not really doing myself any favours, even with this daylog. I suppose that what I am trying to say is that do you prefer me to dream, or to fantasize about you?
I dreamed about you again last night, at least your name was spoken whilst I was asleep. I don't know; you were there with the diamonds and drugs, but you were a shadow to me. Do you know the effect you are having on me? You just turned me upside down when I wasn't looking.
I don't know how I am coping with this. Assuming I am coping.
But don't stop. Never stop. Keep me living in a bjork song.
the taste of her
he sets off
the beauty in her
he's venus as a boy
he believes in beauty
A note to other noders, please ignore such confused blatherings. They are written for a specific girl in mind, one who does not leave my thoughts. I apologise to you for addressing it to her, and for leaving my normal trains of thought. Normal programming won't resume anytime soon, I hope.