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She's working this weekend in a strange place, a rough neighbourhood that a single woman shouldn't be walking around alone. She's there because I am demanding to see her again and we both need the money. I have a mother to guiltily ask for help, she doesn't. So she's going to risk her safety working this weekend. Because of me.

That sucks!

It's difficult to get away from the selfish thinking of "What will I do if I lose her." I care for her, she is such a beautiful human being, she doesn't deserve to be put in danger for something as stupid as money. She has had so much pain before in her life; of all the people in the world who could really do with some carefree happiness, she would be top of the list.

Well, I'm sorry for dumping on you like this; you guys have enough things of your own to worry about without my melodramatics and self martyrdom. maybe the london meet will cheer me up...