Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow

11:30 BST


No sooner do I node Your Pain Destroys Me, about wanting to help people more, I am called up at 1am and told to get myself over to her house. The world has gone completely pear shaped and she was quite literally suicidal. This was not Ed Norton saving Helena Bonham-Carter, this was a full on Don't kill yourself, I am coming over situation.

She hasn't taken anything, she assures me. The knives are remaining in her kitchen.

She is further in debt. Her mortgage is now 18 months in arrears. Her parents are refusing to pay. She is being bullied at work. She almost ran someone over (this being the catalyst for calling me). I hug her, only to be accused of trying to take advantage of her distraught state. Even though she has just accused me of attempted rape, I grit my teeth and listen to her problems. The tears in my eyes aren't just from sympathy for her, they are from rage and sadness at her rash words. The barrier has gone up though, we cannot reach each other, simply because either I hugged too soon or in the wrong way, or because she snapped at me without thinking.

I decide to just hold her hand, listen and ask questions. She bought too many clothes and went out too many times. I cannot think of a solution; I am guilty of this too. As horribly male as this sounds, I let her cry herself out as the dawn approaches. She falls asleep at maybe 5:30, I get a blanket and then hold her and keep her from falling from the sofa.

We wake up at 8:30. She keeps apologising, I keep saying it's OK. She drives me to my house and I get ready for work. As she drops me off near work, I say "why did you accuse me of rape? I could never do that to you." The guilt is so apparent in her eyes, I cannot be angry with her.

18:10 BST

All dressed up and nowhere to go. I put on my smart casual clothes for work today, only to discover that my manager had forgotten to tell me that the customer visit was off. I Hate smart casual clothes, wearing them is so stressful: they don't hide me in bagginess like my combats and T-Shirts.

Work was nice and sleepy today; I almost fell asleep during afternoon coffee. Lunch was nice. Not the food, but there was a drop dead gorgeous girl in front of me in the queue. Of course, this isn't a porn movie, so we didn't start shagging right there. In fact, I don't think she even noticed me. (darn) Mental Note: Do not ogle girls in the lunch queue