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I love you guys!

So, I log back onto E2 after some retail therapy and I have 3 messages asking me why I haven't daylogged recently. Awww. I wub ewe all too!

Why haven't I daylogged recently? Well, that is a tale. Well, actually, it isn't; I have been somehow incapable of typing anything this past week. Each time I try to compose anything, be it an email to my beloved, a daylog, or a webpage at work, I have just frozen up. I may type a few lines, or maybe a paragraph, but then I cannot put anything more onto the screen. I've gone through my normal reasons: I need a better keyboard at work, or that my screen needs to be bigger, but I really have no justification for not writing anything. It came to a head today, when I couldn't leave my house to go to work.

I woke up at the normal time and tried to start my daily routine. But something was wrong because after my bath. (in which I stayed for well over an hour) I tried to get dressed and ready to leave the house, but it was as though I had been transported back in time about 4 years: I couldn't leave the house. After a road accident I was left with a long recuperation and a intermittently bad case of agoraphobia. Well, today it returned with a vengeance. I tried, I really tried to get my boots on and start the 45 minute walk to work, but instead I found myself phoning mark and telling him that I wouldn't be in today, I was sick and my leg was hurting. Well, that was a lie. How can I phone in sick and tell them that I am feeling too scared to leave the house?

So, I made myself a large cup of tea, and sat down at the 'puter. As I logged on, my fiancee katyana was there. I really needed some TLC at this point in time. We talked, and via a rather twisted route, I admitted that I was scared to go outside.

I will hazard a guess that noders who are in a relationship will recognise this: As soon as I told her my fears, they evaporated. I'm sorry if I am offending the miserable contingent of E2, but she has helped me to grow, even in the short time I have known her. Dana, I love you so much, thank you for being there today.

So, still feeling a little weird, I went outside to see what the world was doing. I ended up at Currys, an electrical superstore and bought a new cordless phone to speak to my beloved with, and a new VCR that plays both US and UK VHS tapes. Of course, this means that I have some more debt, but curiously I don't care one wit. I am just happy to have left the house today. I look back on the times I would hide under the covers of my bed shaking with fear because I had to go to physiotherapy or had been invited to the cinema, I never, ever want to go through that kind of disability again.

Hmm, so back to the point. Why haven't I noded recently? I have just been empty, devoid of interesting discourse. (if you can call the above interesting :-)

I can only hope that I can get some work done tomorrow...