Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow

8:25 BST

Not feeling too well this morning.

My frank exchange of views with my Project Leader seems to have done some good between us. It's kind of like a thunderstorm clearing the muggy air of a hot summer day. I've actually emailed him and planned what I am going to do; unheard of before this week. I am becoming a good corporate bunny.

I only hope he doesn't attribute this change to his superior management skills.

I was stupid last night masukomi. I forgot all I read in your daylog a few days ago, and proceeded to make a stupid faux pas. I was taking another noder for granted and simply didn't take in what was being said.

I apologise, this was my fault and I will try not to let it happen again.

12:50 BST

(mr burns' voice):"Excellent, It's all coming together"

It seems somehow as though I have sold out to The Man by feeling proud of my work recently. Even though I really don't enjoy it, I have made a lot of progress on our demonstration system.

Whilst at lunch, a strange image surprised me:

Recently I was watching one of those candid, fly on the wall documentaries about people in pornographic films. It seemed that every actress who was interviewed started out happy, but as the interview progressed, became more and more morose and ever closer to tears. Each actress (they were interviewing younger actresses who had only just started out making "movies") had this look of resigned disgusted sadness on their faces. This was made all the more striking because it was all done with the eyes because they all had a fixed "happy" grin/grimace on their faces. They would be saying something about how wonderful the people were to look at, whilst their eyes looked haunted and tearful. The male performers were totally blank; their attitude towards women was awful. To a man, they all said variations of "yeah, the bitch wants it hard". Each time they were given directions by the camera team, you could see the processing going on behind the blank faces. And the way they treated the women? Yuck. There was no acting, this was just... awful. Pushing the women down hard onto a sofa or blanket, ignoring signs from the girls that they were hurting them and actually getting angry when one girl asked for time out to reapply lubrication...

So what does this have to do with my Lunch Break?

I looked up from my food to see a girl with that exact same look on her face. A guy on another table had the same blank, hungry look on his face. This was very strange. Both of them were smiling, but their eyes were saying something completely different.

I'm sure I will get flamed by people who think I am condemning pornography. I'm not, I was just touched by the expressions on these people's faces

More later? You bet!