Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow
I am feeling overwhelmed today.
There are so many things that I want to do: Learn to meditate, learn Tai Chi, Get fit, meet a wonderful loving girl, work well, become a good sysadmin, travel the world, get out of debt, write an revolutionary open source application, buy a country house, write amazing nodes and stop procrastinating.
Each of these things and many others just stacks up in front of me. Each one sprouts fangs or shrouds itself in darkness to scare me off. For each personal goal I have so many excuses as to why I haven't done it yet, or why I haven't attempted it. Every time it's someone else's fault, anyone other than me who is preventing me from getting a life. It can never be my fault; society never accepts anything less than perfection. Again, that last sentence; it's society's fault that I'm not a perfect productive loved genius, never mine. It's just too easy to never accept the personal responsibility.
It's easier to write an angsty daylog than to write a well researched, useful and informative node. It's easier to be lazy in my current job than to strike out and work hard to become a sysadmin. It's easier to indulge myself in retail therapy than to restrain myself and get out of debt. It's easier to sit in front of the PC or the TV than to meditate or go to Tai Chi classes.
Sigh
My Mother posted some chocolate and munchies through my letterbox while I was in the bath. For this I thank her, but sometimes I wish I could take the money she has spent on food for me and use it to pay my credit card off.
On a lighter note, Mika Hakkinen won the Hungarian Formula One Grand Prix, easily beating his rival Michael Schumacher.
At the moment, I feel anxious just thinking about work. One of our customers has just destroyed the software installation we put in some weeks ago. If they can't fix it, we'll have to go do it for them in an unpaid goodwill gesture. This means travelling, wearing smart clothes and being tired when I'm really too ill to cope.
Mental Note: All you have to do is start. Everything happens after the start.