I was at the
local grocery store (
Albertson's, to be exact - '
It's Your Store!') grabbing
various sundry breakfasty items - just filler, something to give my stomach a
good workout while it ingests
the only needed vitamin of the morning, caffeine - and I was at the
dairy section, grabbing
eggs,
yogurt,
etc. when I came to the milk section. Not seeing
my favorite brand of happy fun white goodness in
stock (
Viva Skim Milk), I grabbed a carton of
'organic' skim milk. I hadn't ever tried it, so what
harm could it do?
I go home and unload the goods into the freezebox. I realize that I didn't check the expiration date on the carton while at the store - a possible misstep. I grab it, check the date, and put the carton back, satisfied - December 31. Apparently, the milk isn't Y2K compliant, but that is of little importance. All is well and good.
I'm sauntering back to the television set, where I hear the word 'fumble!' - Randy Moss needs to be more careful with the ball - and it hits me. I immediately run back to the kitchen, wrench the fridge door open, and grab the carton. Yup. I was right. This is creepy. The expiration date is, as follows -
December 31 13:19
Oh my god. The
time? They
know the
exact time that this
carton will expire? I don't
believe it.
I just don't believe it. This will
require serious scientific enquiry.
I grab a few phone numbers - people with video cameras. We will capture the event on film. Document the case. It will be done scientifically. I begin devising plans - how do you define 'sour milk'? Once defined, how do you test for it? It is then that I hit a slight snag.
The time the milk will expire is 13:19. But what time zone is that for? If I only record 13:19, local time, the milk may already be sour! If it's from the east coast, then it will expire at 12:19! But, even worse, what if the people who figure out when the milk will expire knew about this problem, and they set the time to 13:19 GMT? I just don't know when to test anymore! I resolve to videotape the milk for a 24-hour period.
The date is rapidly approaching, the bacteria are gathering for the mass assault. Soon, I will get to the bottom of this enigmatic unexplained mystery.