over the last long weekend i was forced to immerse myself in suburban voyeurs
who set upon downtown in droves of capri pants
, disposable cameras
, ridiculous 'convenience gadgets', mostly with screaming children
in tow...today again on my way to work (i suppose the good weather brings them out) i was set upon by varying gaggles of visitors, frantically trying to cram in as much socially ascribed "family fun
" as possible...i'm sure some of them even had some kind of gadgets to better plan their day and squeeze out as much of this "fun
" as possible...
they all seem so stressed...so frantic...so desperate...
and they certainly don't seem to be having "fun"
parents yell at children...children cry and stomp...teenagers mope...posed photos with uncomfortable looking folk...superfluous relatives appear dejected...the whole thing puzzles me...
i have never had a "family
"...i have never gone on "fun" outings with anyone who ever tried to fill the roll of "parent
"...i have no siblings to speak of (apparently i have a 1/2 brother i have never met but i can't be sure he's alive) or any living relatives that are welcome in my life, nor have i ever had a family unit
...so maybe i'm missing some hidden appeal here...but to me it seems so forced, so contrived...as if they are going through the motions
of what "fun" is supposed to be or how "fun" is supposedly achieved...
i believe we have lost the appreciation for and the ability to achieve simple joy
...to be able to instinctively have "fun"...perhaps this comes from the drive to be "grown up
"; to be "adult
never do i want to be "grown up"...it implies some sort of final destination; some plateau that is reached and once achieved requires no further effort...no further growth...
i don't believe anything naturally stagnates; there is always change and growth...cycles of development and deconstruction
, but somehow these "grown ups" appear to be striving to reach this finale when they won't have to grow any further because they've finished "growing up"...simple joy, atrophied to the point of becoming a foreign concept...
i'll take my responsible childishness
...my simple joys
and foolish fun
...i love the child that lives inside...i try to nurture and encourage her...to embrace the intrinsic and unforced appreciation for simply having "fun"...i will never be grown up simply because i aspire to never stop growing up...