Amidst all of the first of its kind events associated
with the Internet (first email, first worm, first .com domain, etc.)
will come the following dubious honors.
- First guy to have the Internet crawl up his ass. Awarded to
some poor proctology patient who, surprisingly, agrees to the
procedure as part of a robotic surgery experiment.
- First guy to have the Internet piss in his Wheaties. Awarded after an
off by one error in a piece of software that drives the automatic
milking machines at the dairy causes bovine waste fluids to be bottled
while the milk is poured into a nearby stream.
- First woman to be carjacked by the Internet. After a bug a in
her auto-navigation unit conspires with a bug at mapquest to send her
on a frolicking journey to Des Moines, Iowa rather than downtown
to a dentist appointment.
- First child of the Internet. Awarded
as part of an artificial insemination test--the paternal
material will be digitized at a remote location and then emailed
to a lab that will build the appropriate little tadpole to use
for the fertilization.