Do not attempt to reproduce the experience described in the following node in your own house. In fact, it's probably best that you don't do this anywhere.

It's not that I exactly tried it so much as it swooped down and grabbed me by the neck, tackled to me the floor, and beat me to death with my own mother. I was in the bathroom, minding my own business, and it just happened. I'd just popped out of the luxoriously cold shower, steaming and wet. Well, chilly and moist, anyway. Much refreshed, I was now ready for yet another of my daily holy wars against morning breath. I hadn't put my glasses back on yet, because I didn't want them to get splattered with dental residue. Big mistake.

It was it this point that I moistened my toothbrush, and applied some toothpaste to my little electronic instrument of vibrating cleanliness. Baking soda toothpaste. Angry and abrasive baking soda toothpaste. And so, I stuck the thing in my mouth and pressed the button. Naturally, a large glob of the paste managed fling itself out of my mouth and become lodged in my left eye. If I'd been wearing glasses that day, I probably would've been shielded from the painful assault. I'm not sure if it was because I'm clumsy or just because fate was frowning upon me that day, but there I was, in my bathroom, with toothpaste in my eye.

'Ack! What the... ow! This is really... what the hell? It's starting to... Christ! (expletive deleted), dude, it's in my (expletive deleted) eye! Good, I think it's starting to... geez, when will the hurting stop? Alright, I think I'm okay now, it's cool, it's...oh, ah, ow... gah!'

This went on for about five minutes.

In conclusion, getting toothpaste in your eye is not a pleasant experience in any way. Several minutes of searing eyepain is not fun. I am not encouraging anybody to attempt it. Who knows, you could die. So take this writeup as a piece of advice. Toothpaste should be used on teeth whenever possible, and certainly not as a way to soothe one's eyes after a day of wearing contacts. Unless you like that sort of thing.