Strange thoughts pass through my head
. Like, why was I at Denny's
at 3am on a school night
. What was I doing with a woman that I'm pretty sure I love
when I had told my girlfriend
that I'd try to never see again. Am I a bad guy
? Is eating only once a day
making me fat
? Do I really need to read the play
we're supposed to read for my Drama
course? The other woman
read my terot
the other day, and I'm wondering if what she prophesied
is coming true
because of the reading or would it have happened without the reading
Today, I worked. I worked 8.5 hours today, which doesn't seem like a lot, but I also went to class for 2 hours. I decided that when I go for my PhD or MFA that I might go to Iowa. Yeah, Iowa. This is better, according to my girlfriend, who was scared I'd go to Brown in Rhode Island or some similarly far away place. I hear, also, that Iowa has a really good creative writing program. I can't afford to take the GRE.
A friend is moving this week. To San Francisco, which is a Million Miles away from here. I'll miss her, I know.
I got about 60 nodes out today, which seemed to get some people upset. Evidently, I was pushing the New Writeups thing too quickly through. Some person whose name I don't recall said that he/she felt like he/she was in school again. Afraid of learning? Seeing these terms scrolling by? Scary.
I finished DFW's essay on TV in A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again. I'm not sure if this is an effect of having the essay written in the early 90's, but I think he's dead wrong about where fiction is going in this culture. Exciting things are happening, even at this low level of being a writer that I'm at now. I can feel it.
No bills came today. I did cash my pathetic paycheck today, which is 50 short of covering rent. I am, therefore, once again, soliciting pennies to cover my tuition. Dan/405 Normal/Normal, IL 61761. I'll put your name in a book, whenever I get published.
There is no progess in the tale of two women in my life, except this: I love them both more than ever. Am I given a fixed amount of love? And once that is gone, I'm given no more? What a sad world. Maybe that's why we try to make love, because we think it's a zero sum game.