Here it is, 3:30 A.M. and I've already been attacked! April Trolls Day it's not, so far, but my friend's girlfriend calls up.

"Hey! We need your help. It's an emergency."
"Hey! What's up?"
"Hey! Rob's been arrested! We need money to bail him out."
"What did he do?" If he did something dumb he can rot.
"He smarted off to a cop, who took him in because of outstanding warrents."
"How much?"
"500. But we got 100."
"I don't have four."
"Well what do you have?"
"I dunno, maybe three?"
"APRIL FOOLS!" Here was my chance to say! "Fuckin' bitch, you don't talk to me for a week, ignore me, and this is the shit you pull on me! Fuck you!" Then hang up and APRIL FOOLS her sorry ass when she calls back. But I don't. Instead:
"Very funny."

Yeah, very.

Dad Diary:

The maternity ward: if you take the noises that come out of the women during birth out of context, it becomes a lot more interesting.