I am getting so tired of waking up at the crack dawn every morning to just sit and wait to see if either my temp agency calls me with a job or if I hear back from one of the numerous employers I've applied at. This has been going on now for more than a month and a half. I am still jobless. February is a short month, so there is even less time to make rent before the end. It would look very bad if I could not make rent on only the second month of being here. I can't even be sure that if I did get a job that I'd get paid before the end of the month. Why is rent the same for shorter months? Shouldn't rent be divided by the day--by the hour?

I worked more on the Thanks' Thank Bobby Masters today, a story I've been working on for the past few months where as Bobby Masters becomes a Mary Poppins figure to two children. The story itself is great I think, but working down to a satisfying conclusion has been hard. I miss having my weekly workshop sessions at the Wikswo Home School.

It is Monday, and this is my first day log. On friday I have orientation for Portland State University whereas they will look at my transcripts, remark at the good grades at my stupidity for not signing up for the honors program, and then tell me that I can't take the classes I want to take because they think I should actually graduate or something like that. What's the point though? Graduating will only quicken my descent into a debt-ridden life (already at $25,000+ in school loans)... Though I don't want to even think about having to have something to "fall back on" if this whole writing/media art/public archetype thing doesn't work out for me, I'm starting to think more seriously about becoming a teacher. Senior-level high school. But then I think about how much everyone hated me in school, and why would it be any different if I were the teacher? And it's not like I'd be allowed to tell children anything that'd actually be useful to them. I wouldn't be able to tell them the things I've learned, so I'd be just a useless as anyone else.

Still, I manage to look out and be happy. Portland is beautiful. I'm excited for school to start, but that is still not until April. Everything keeps me busy, but sometimes I feel like posting my stories here will end up damaging my ability later to publish them, but then--that's presumptous. I already know that most (if not all) of what I write wouldn't be published by any company thinking about that damned profit motive.

Friends would be nice. Maybe I'll pick some up while I'm out getting cigarettes.