WARNING!
If you're reading this, you are almost certainly a geek!

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[satire|--]

[Wikipedia] kindly defines a geek as a person "who is fascinated, perhaps obsessively, by technology and imagination," and Merriam-Webster's Dictionary says a geek is "a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake."

Geeks tend to enjoy cyber social-interaction over rotting in meatspace. In this, geeks often pursue mental stimulation and honing technical skills like [frag|fragging] in the latest version of [Quake] (w00t) or [winning against|pwning] [new players|n00bs] in the latest version of [Unreal] over destroying valuable skin cells from [sun light|solar radiation]. Their constant efforts to better themselves often requires them multi-task and eat while keeping their mind active. It is not uncommon to find in [cyberspace|the internets] persons who have skills that "aren't at their best because they are trying to eat their chicken fingers." This is most-likely the source of Webster's definition of geek.
-Enjoy [*giggle*|stimulating] yourself.
-Speaking in [1337] helps!
-pwn - verb - To dominate in entirety
-Harbor your body from danger
-Keep food and other necessities near by (mini-fridge?)

All geeks hate mittens. They are a symbol of everything they hate. Mittens hinder a geek's digits' dexterity, suggest they are in a non-centrally heated place, and can not have ready access to the [finger foods|specially designed nutrition] they need to survive. In situations where a geek should be called upon to exit his room / workplace to enter the cold of a winter of [meatspace], they often wear finger-less gloves. This aids them in the case they need to interface with others on the move. This is often done using two technologies knows as "[Wi-Fi]" and "[cellular telephones]!"
-"I really hate mittens."
-"Yes! I can look up [http://www.mapquest.com|driving directions] from [broadband wireless internet card|the car]!"
-Use text messaging groups to organize useful activities while away in meatspace!
-You have a mobile phone: so should your laptop.
-Know when the [drive-thru] closes.

Geeks are highly adaptive. Within their society, there is a mantra, "Anything goes as pants." In some cases, it has been recorded that brightly-painted geese were effectively worn as pants! If this doesn't show their ingenuity, I don't know what else does. It doesn't stop there though. The idea is think outside [creativity|the box], while still in [bedroom|your box]. The box must be broken. Your box is your friend. Your girlfriend will never let you touch [reproductive organs|her box]. The best tools to help you think outside the box are [google|google.com], [instant messenger|IM], and [marijuana|weed].
-"Anything goes as pants!"
-More livestock to eat and / or wear.
-[WTF] is "the box" anyway?
-Save money on condoms.
-[http://www.google.com]
-"What's your screen name?"
-Learn about hydroponics for your room. Try googling it!
-Pants only get you laid if you go outside and look all sexy!

Things Geeks Like:: Batteries; Rope Lighting; 802.11g; http://everything2.net; Dolby 5.1 Speakers; Dolby 5.1 Headphones; Power Strips; Mini-fridge; Microwave; Penguins; Animated TV; http://www.google.com; Animated Pornography; People who actually "no wtf there talkn about"; Processed foods; RAM; Techno, Metal, and Industrial Musics; Not Mittens; Basements[Angela|*]; suggestions welcome

Things Geeks Hate:: Mittens; Soy; suggestions welcome

How to be a geek (idea)