traveling, swallowing dramamine..

went out last night with someone i've known for a while - known in a highly constrained context, that is.

we've always had, once we got past our relative border patrols, some sort of attraction. it's always been taboo before.

hardly now, in fact it's expected in such an ugly way that of course it can't happen.

but that's not the point.

the point is this; she's moving. we go out to shop for things for her new place. we're having fun, being goofy in Fred Meyer, racing down the aisles and trying not to grievously injure Senior Citizens As The Bask In Their Golden Years(tm). so she's a soy nut (ha.) and we spend a few minutes looking at various healthy edible crap, she's trying to pick out some juice.

and the strangest thing happens to me. i'm watching her concentrate fiercely on this juice selection thing, and ok, it's sort of endearing. suddenly of it's own volition, my mouth opens, and i tell her. i compliment her. whoa.

so now, i've got this little shoot of hope and anticipation. sure, it's colored by our history, and it'll never meet the with the approval of the other kids in this nursery school. but it's something that i don't have to lie for, don't have to struggle through.

my goodness.