The following is not my story. But it's a true one that just might make you laugh as hard as I did! The man involved is a white guy named Gary. I must add that he's a flamboyant homosexual I mean, seriously, the man should carry a fire extinguisher. (He refers to himself as "Mother", to clear up any misunderstanding. And a "Red Snapper" is a drink.) I found this story so entertaining that I have kept it stored in my computer for almost two years. It simply needed to be set free into the world...

Kay, so Mother was at Taco Bell in the drive-thru, and I had had three Red Snappers, very strong that day, on an empty stomach.

I was flying high.

Now, I know you know that Taco Bell isn't known for hiring the snappiest peas in the pod, but I prefer if they are stupid rather than bitchy.

Bitchy is MY job.

Girl, I mean to tell you, I waited for a good half hour behind three people. I could see the hands coming out of cars and shaking fists... slightly modified, for sure. I heard one guy say something about how unbelievable this was.

I knew he must have been talking about his wait. I generally don't jump to conclusions.

For all I could suppose, they were very understaffed, the person was new, the Meximelt steamer misfired and castrated all the males in the room. It could happen.

Oh no. None of this was true.

I got up to the window and saw a sneering Hussy walking around with one 78-inch-long fingernail dangling from what I presumed to be my bag of 7-Layer Burritos. There were five other people on the line standing around listening to the Hus-monster, whose other hand was extended in the way that only a true ghetto girl can find to express herself.

It was making the bitch-ass gesture. You know the one, gets your head goin' all crazy, so much you gots to say, even your ass starts to go? Mmmmhmm, that one.

No one seemed to be getting work done very quickly at this Taco Bell. Huss-head was saying something about, "Uh-uh, I had to call my girlfriend and tell her about that Tyrone, he wo' out he welcome up in my crib, stank ass motha fucka. Nigga's like that get old!......"

I listened to her talk for a couple of minutes until she came to the window and told me how much to pay her, she then handed me my food coldeffectively freeing up my power to be really ugly.

She asked me, "SAUCE!", not really as a question, but sort of an angry query.

I yelled back, "HOT!"

Miss-huss let me know with her face that she did NOT approve of my tone. Then she picked up my sauce and turned to the group on the line who were still doing their Amazing Elvis and the Three-Toed Sloth impersonation, and started to tell more tantalizing tidbits about Tyrone.

Now, I had my food. I could have just driven away. But something about the Red Snappers took over my head. The window didn't shut all the way at this particular drive-thru, a handy fact for me.

I stuck my hand in the window and smacked it back and fourth wildly, while saying, "Bitch, get your fat ass over here, I'm about to tell you what's old. What's old is my old ass sittin up in this line waitin for a mother fuckin half hour for your ass to tell some bullshit about some motherfucker I don't know, waving around my Goddamn cold-ass motherfuckin burritos!"

*ahem, I had to do it, I simply lost control*

I'm here to tell you, you should have seen the look on that trash's face! Not to mention the Heap of Underachiever on the Taco Bell line, they looked like they might fall over from shock. It was priceless, really.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the last word.

As fast as a thing of beauty can be born, Hussy-the-Taco-Bell-Twat says. "Shut yo Mouf, Nigga!"

I was in shock, I don't think I've ever been called "nigger" before, and I started to laugh. Game over, I had to drive away. I don't think I shall go to that drive-thru anymore. I might get shit in my food.