As you may or may not know there are people who think it is funny when you hurt yourself. What kind of world is it when people laugh at you when you are making garlic bread and listening to a story about railroad hobos a friend is telling you and then you slice a chunk of your thumb off? This happened to me at a dinner party last year. The worst thing was that my friend Anita's eight year old daughter Preston was pointing and laughing. I got mad at Anita and told her she should teach her children better than that. It is wrong to point and laugh at people who are bleeding. I didn't need stitches but I soiled a lot of gauze. Though this was a major setback I continued to prepare a meal of Italian food for my friends and they ate it and drank all my good wine and left without thanking me. Only my friend Dale said "thank you" and he and his wife are welcome back but others won't be.

I remember about this because I cut myself while shaving my back tonight. Since I read an article about how women are turned off by any hairy back I went to see my friend who works at the stables and he taught me how to remove the hair from my back with a lady's schick razor. Confidence levels now get higher and now I need to find more places to take my shirt off in front of women. It would be good to have a girlfriend again. The only woman I have been close to intimate with in the past few months is Dara, a hat check girl from the restaurant my business has lunches and things at who also works at the candy counter at a Boys Club (or so she says because I've never seen pictures). She has a sick mind though because I have never seen anyone who wears shorts that fit so tight and made of lycra or stretchy material and although seeing every bit of her thighs everytime I run into her in the neighborhood is exciting it just doesn't seem moral. I felt guilty for being aroused by it and wish I had medication to stop these thoughts I get when it happens because she's too young for me anyway although she has offered when she was drunk.

I want to be a pitcher in a softball league. That would fill the hole in my life most likely but I have bad memories of the American Legion team I once tried to join and they laughed at me when I hit my head on the bleachers and got a lump thereabouts.